NFL News & Notes From Week One

That Bengals game at least has some suspense at the end. It was a pretty boring Sunday for games. The Browns actually led the Vikings at the half but no one really thought an upset was possible. The Browns suck. And the Vikings better hope Brett Favre is not required to win with his arm. He completed five of his 14 passes to wide receivers and that's only if you count Percy Harvin as a wide receiver. Then we get the Giants/Redskins. Boring. Washington is totally inept. And the fact that the Giants let them back into the game makes me wonder how good they are.

Speaking of Favre, does he have loyalty to anyone not named Brett Favre? His latest bullshit is saying that he was willing to sit last year because his play with the Jets was bad because of his torn bicep. Yeah, right. With his leverage, if he wanted to sit, he could sit. To begin with, I doubt very seriously that Favre would have allowed himself to be benched and ruin his "Iron Man" reputation. Secondly, he screwed the Jets by letting out that he was so injured that he almost couldn't play but never was put on the injury report. The same Jets who traded for him so he could continue his career and then allowed him to "retire" again so he could come back and play for the Vikings (which he wanted all along). And the Jets were not listing him on the injury report for the same reason that teams fudge their QBs on all injury reports. They don't want defenses to know what's hurt on the player at the most important position. And why? So people would think his age and decrepitude wasn't the reason that he played like shit to end the season. Who cares about the Jets.

Did anyone see the interception made by Green Bay's big, fat nose tackle Johnny Jolly (apt name)? He's listed at 325 lbs. That's a lie.

I think being paired with Cris Collinsworth is making Al Michaels stupid. Well, almost as stupid as Collinsworth. In the Thursday night game, Ben Roethlisberger is scrambling and tosses a side pass to Willie Parker. They're discussing that it was close to being a penalty for being an illegal forward pass but that the refs must have decided it was a lateral. For the record, he was obviously about three yards behind the line of scrimmage meaning forward, sideways or backwards, it was legal. That didn't come out until they came back from commercial.

Good news for the Chargers. Shawne Merriman won't be charged for tossing Tila Tequila on the ground to keep her leaving his house. I didn't think he'd be charged the moment it came out. Her statements were off the wall and probably full of lies (she claimed she is allergic to alcohol but was seen drinking by a lot of people). So even if the DA thought a crime was committed, he'll only take it to court if he thinks he can win, and in this case, the claimant would be a liability. I think Merriman could have done it? Sure. I think he's a pieces of shit show boater who became the player that he is through chemical enhancement. And just because she's a two-bit media whore skank doesn't mean he wouldn't toss her around. But it does mean I'd need more than he said/she said to believe her. But I don't like Merriman so he gets what he deserves in bad publicity. After all, he should have known better than date that thing.

It's pretty hard to pick one NFL player and say he's the dumbest player in league history, but Pacman Jones (he played at West Virginia which is par for the course) just might be the winner. He's getting no feelers for the NFL, but is perfectly willing to talk shit about a CFL contract. And promptly losing it.

You think Shawne Merriman has women problem (and probably an STD or two) from his now ex-girlfriend. Tony Romo apparently had a hex put on him by ex-girlfriend/ditz/chickIwannabang Jessica Simpson. Man those chicks cannot handle it when they find out their boyfriend is gay. Supposedly the spell is about love and not football (he doesn't need any help ruining a football season). It's to keep him from finding a new love, but the joke is on her. Romo met Jason Witten a long time ago.

I've always hated the fact that ESPN will pimp their TV personalities in NFL games. As anyone who knows me is aware, I hate Tony Kornheiser. I hated him being on Monday Night Football. And I'm still convinced the only reason they did that was to promote his stupid show with that other worthless Washington Post columnists on ESPN. Now, they're trying to do it with Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg from their Mike & Mike show. Those two clowns were teamed up with Steve Young to call the second Monday night game between Oakland and San Diego. I only watched the first half, but they stink. I had very low expectations and they managed to get under them. The worst was on a replay of an Oakland catch in the end zone that was originally called a touchdown but then overturned to incompletion as the referee said the receiver didn't maintain control of the ball while going to the ground. They kept saying that the touchdown would be upheld because he got two feet down. WTF? Two feet only counts when debating in bound/out of bound calls. The receiver had two feet touch the ground, but he was still going down which means he had to hang onto the ball as he hit the ground. The ball touched the ground and (most importantly) was still moving. If the ball touches the ground but doesn't move, it's a catch. If it moves, it's not. None of those three seemed to know the rules.

Certain irony about that almost catch. It was almost made by Oakland Raiders rookie receiver Louis Murphy who was a fourth round pick. The irony is Murphy had 87 yards and a touchdown while the number 7 overall pick, Darrius Heyward-Bey, dropped both passes that were thrown to him. Which is what he often did in college which is why many of us laughed at the Raiders' ineptitude in drafting a fast wide receiver (Al Davis loves speed like I love beer) who can't catch.

But in taking Heyward-Bey instead of Michael Crabtree (easily a better receiver), Davis did screw cross bay rival San Francisco who did draft Crabtree three picks later. Now, Crabtree is holding out and saying he'll re-enter the draft next year rather than take less money than Heyward-Bey. Apparently he is unaware that the mental instability of Al Davis is not a reason to go outside the draft slotting system.

Although, the Bengals did that when they lowballed Andre Smith into essentially taking less than the guy drafted behind him. Rumor was that they knew they could do it because Smith needed the money and couldn't afford to hold out too long. Of course, the joke turned out to be on the Bengals (as usual). By holding out, Smith was able to spend all his time getting even more overweight than usual. Which led to him breaking his foot. Which is leading to more time out. Which means he'll be pretty much worthless to them this year. Meaning that getting him into camp in shape would have saved them money or at least given them production for what they're paying.

I'm not going to jump all over the guy who fumbled the late kickoff for the Bills aiding the Patriots' win. At least not for running the kick out. Yeah, it would have been better to take a knee in the end zone, but his hesitation makes me think he didn't really know if he caught the ball in the end zone or stepped back into it after the catch. If you're not sure, you have to bring it out. I do fault him for fighting for an extra yard after getting hit. In that situation, just go down.

Of course, the question Buffalo fans should be asking is why the Hell didn't anyone on the defensive side of the ball adjust in the middle of the field? Let's see, they pulled within five points with an 18 yard touchdown pass to a tight end right down the middle of the field. Now they're at the 16 yard line. They won't run it again, will they? Ooops. Or more likely, oh shit.